


Emptiness Is a Closet of Your Old Clothes

by HilsonMarveyTibbs



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Abandonment, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Season/Series Finale, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Season/Series 10
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:20:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23507515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HilsonMarveyTibbs/pseuds/HilsonMarveyTibbs
Summary: It takes a few weeks before he breaks - truly. Starting only hours after Steve left, Danny had been texting him. Sometimes just a quick “miss you” other times trying to maintain a semblance of meaningful conversation. Steve responds in his own time, never quite long enough to be too rude but never as quick as his partner usually responded. He also stays reserved with details of his journey, so much so Danny would accuse him of hiding something but he’s honestly too afraid of alienating his partner over text. So instead he begins texting Steve less. Turns out, Steve either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care to establish more contact. And so it fades. And so maybe the pain in Danny’s chest feels a little bit tighter. And so maybe Danny begins taking his painkillers with a side of whiskey. It’s not like it matters anymore.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 46
Kudos: 138





	1. i am used batteries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so it’s like 1am and i watched the finale today and i’m so upset still. this idea came to me and so i thought i’d explore it a bit! there are some dark themes but ultimately i want this to amend the ending we got by showing us the reality of what that ending what bring. anyway enough rambling, more thoughts at the end!
> 
> title from song of the same name by Wishing

It takes a few hours before Danny finds it within himself to struggle into a standing position and limp past Steve’s empty chair into the house. The team is still gathered and their uncertainty is palpable, filling the air between them and him. Lou grips his shoulder, Junior nods at him in solemn commiseration, and Tani is looking at him like—

It takes a few days before he stops waking up in the mornings, forgetting where he is. Sometimes he panics awake: Daiyu Mei’s face in his eyes, shackles scraping his wrists, Steve’s name on his lips. Other days, he slides into his automatic routine from old and stumbles down into the kitchen expecting to see an already awake Steve, likely post-workout. The emptiness sinks his stomach into the floor. He isn’t sure which morning he prefers. 

It takes a few weeks before he breaks - truly. Starting only hours after Steve left, Danny had been texting him. Sometimes just a quick “miss you” other times trying to maintain a semblance of meaningful conversation. Steve responds in his own time, never quite long enough to be too rude but never as quick as his partner usually responded. He also stays reserved with details of his journey, so much so Danny would accuse him of hiding something but he’s honestly too afraid of alienating his partner over text. So instead he begins texting Steve less. Turns out, Steve either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care to establish more contact. And so it fades. And so maybe the pain in Danny’s chest feels a little bit tighter. And so maybe Danny begins taking his painkillers with a side of whiskey. It‘s not like it matters anymore. It’s not like he’s going to be in the field anytime soon anyway. And it’s not like anyone was left on the island to hold him accountable. And so he lets himself break the rules. Why not? Steve did it all the time and now he’s living his dream, life with no consequences or obligations. Must be the move.

It takes a few weeks before Danny realizes that he might have a bit of a problem with the pills. Or maybe the alcohol. Both? He doesn’t bother discriminating. It’s the fourth morning in a row he’s woken up in Steve’s room without remembering going there, and this time he wakes to a drafted email to Steve titled “Fuck you”. He deletes the email. He will deny it, but he definitely hesitated before deleting the message. Crazy guy would probably love to know he’s riled up Danny once again without even being here. Wouldn’t realize that is the point. His not being here. He deletes the message because he knows it wouldn’t solve anything. And honestly? He didn’t want Steve to know where he was at mentally right now. He didn’t deserve to know. He hasn’t asked for weeks so he’s lost his right.

Danny’s eyes wander and fall on the mostly empty whiskey bottle he must have brought in to cheer him on in his intoxicated anger. There is hardly a shot left in it, it’s almost pathetic to put it back at this point. He sits up and reaches for the bottle, downing its contents in an abrupt, unsteady motion. His chest hurts. He should take his morning medication. And restock on whiskey today.

A moment later his phone buzzes, screen lighting up to a notification from Lou. He says he’ll be over in thirty, he’s running a bit late. Late? What day is it? His head is starting to pound and he squints at his phone clock to see it’s already almost noon. Danny sighs. It must be Tuesday, Lou always comes over to drive him to PT on Tuesdays. The last place he wanted to go to today was PT. In a flash of brilliance - defiance - Danny shot Lou back a text:

_Don’t worry about it. I’ll just call an Uber_

He knows the older man will feel guilty about not coming through, but also knows that he’ll accept the out. Danny falls back into the pillows. Skipping PT this once wasn’t a big deal. He just needs to set his head straight, take a rest day. His eval to let him go back on desk duty next week is Friday, so he needs to be in peak mental shape for that. No more blacking out or sleeping until noon. Time to put himself back together.

Before prepping himself to sit back up, Danny has another flash of brilliance - self-sabotage - and he opens his grocery delivery app and orders some more whiskey. He isn’t going to be irresponsible with it anymore, he just wants it here in case he wants a nightcap. In case he can’t fall asleep again. Or his own company becomes a little too hard to stand again.

* * *

Lou is sweating when he leans against his truck, lungs straining as he catches his breath. He watches Tani put the handcuffs on their perp and mentally curses the bastard that just made them run uphill in the woods until they could get the jump on him. Couldn’t bad guys just be a little more considerate sometimes?

His phone vibrates on his hip and he pulls it out to see a reminder telling him to pick up Danny for his PT. Lou curses, already feeling guilt wash over him as he shoots a quick text of apology to his injured friend, estimating about a thirty minute delay from his current location. He knows he couldn’t have abandoned the job for this, and it’s only driving him to an appointment so there’s no question Danny would understand.

After he confirms that things are being handled with HPD and that 5-0 should be clear to go, he checks his phone again to see a new text. His brow furrows at the message and the guilt returns, stronger this time. He reminds himself that Danny is an adult - most of the time - and is perfectly capable of getting himself a ride to an appointment. Not able to shake a feeling that he’s let the younger man down, though, Lou makes a mental note to stop by and check on Danny once he’s done with paperwork for the day. The office isn’t the same without their old married couple coloring the rooms, it would be good to keep his weekly contact with the detective, especially since he has his competency evaluation Friday.

Firing up the truck, Lou begins the drive back to the Palace, mind already wandering to his friend’s home, the lanai, and a couple of drinks with his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think! i haven’t written anything for a long time so i was excited to have this come up. this will be a work that deals with substance abuse and will be highly angsty for a while but i promise a happy ending. 
> 
> any feedback or suggestions are always appreciated!


	2. my wings are made of plastic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You just gonna stare at me or you gonna let me bring this in for you,” he bends over, lifting up the - heavy - bag, “and take one of your beers?” Lou doesn’t wait for an answer, only (gently) pushes past Danny and carries the bag straight to the kitchen. “What’s in here, bricks?”
> 
> Danny trails behind him, not missing a beat, “Yeah, well, someone’s gotta keep the insanity up now that—“ Steve is gone. The words float unspoken between them, and Lou decides to be polite enough to ignore them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for the wonderful response to chapter 1! i was so surprised and very grateful for how generous you all were. 
> 
> this chapter continues to set up some of the action to come! no Steve yet, but he'll be making his first appearance soon :)

When Lou knocks on the door to Steve’s house, it is not without a twinge of sadness. He has spent so much time at this place, in this home, that it just feels unnatural knowing its owner is no longer living in it. There’s a brown paper bag on the doorstep, receipt stapled to the folded over top.

He’s stopped from examining the package further when the door swings open, and his face splits into a smile. It may not be the house’s owner, but it’s the man’s other half. Danny looks bewildered, his clothes a little disheveled and his breathing a touch more labored than it should be. The wooden cane and the door seem to be propping him up into standing. The pause lasts just the other side of comfortable and Lou feels his smile falter.

“You just gonna stare at me or you gonna let me bring this in for you,” he bends over, lifting up the - _heavy_ \- bag, “and take one of your beers?” Lou doesn’t wait for an answer, only (gently) pushes past Danny and carries the bag straight to the kitchen. “What’s in here, bricks?”

Danny trails behind him, not missing a beat, “Yeah, well, someone’s gotta keep the insanity up now that—“ _Steve is gone_. The words float unspoken between them, and Lou decides to be polite enough to ignore them. 

A muffled _clink_ comes from the contents of the bag when he sets it down. His brow furrows at the observation and he’s opening his mouth to question it when Danny beats him to the punch. 

“Groceries. Just a few things I forgot to pick up last time, figured it was easier than getting another ride. Did-did you come by for something? Everything alright with the team?” The younger man’s arm goes up to push back his hair, his trademark anxious gesture, but halfway up the shift causes his balance on the cane to falter and the gesture is aborted. Lou wants to press him, follow his instinct to investigate the bag, listen to his gut that something isn’t quite right. But he doesn’t.

“Yeah, I just wanted to come by since I couldn’t make our regularly scheduled date. I knew you’d miss seeing my pretty face and didn’t want to let you down.” His comments started out light-hearted, but his last few words morphed into sincerity. The tension running through Danny’s body loosened.

“Miss your mug? Fat chance, bud.” Danny crosses to the fridge, pulling out two beers and handing one to Lou. And like the moment has passed. The two trail out to the lanai, Eddie racing to meet them, all enthusiasm and no grace. The pair spend the next hour or so alternating between light conversation and silent camaraderie. When he’s leaving the house that evening, he hesitates at the door. His mind drifts back to the bag, the _clink_ , Danny’s discomfort. But it’s not his place and he doesn’t even have any evidence. He knows he would hate if someone came at him with unfounded suspicions and concern, how insulting it would feel. How shameful. He knows Danny would feel the same.

Plus, he will be seeing him Friday when he comes in for his eval, so it’s not like he won’t be keeping an eye on him anyway. Not without a twinge of doubt, Lou exits Steve’s house, not for the first time wishing its owner were still there too.

* * *

On the day of his evaluation, Danny’s first alarm goes off at 7:00 AM. By 8:00 AM and the fourth alarm, Danny finally pulls himself out of his sleepy stupor and swings himself into a seated position. His head goes barreling, dizziness and subsequent nausea striking with a vengeance from the motion. He groans, pushing past his latest empty handle to shut off his phone alarm. He squints at the clock and sighs, knowing he lost the extra time he tried to build in to his routine for the morning by shutting off all his earlier alarms. Shuffling out of Steve’s room, he heads to his own bathroom, immediately downing a few ibuprofen from his medicine cabinet and starting his morning routine. He will admit, he has grown lax with a lot in terms of his day-to-day patterns and even values, but he could not compromise on his grooming routine. Some days gelling back his hair is the only way he remembers he’s the same person from a month ago. Mostly the same.

By the time he’s downstairs and polishing off his first coffee (and if it just so happened to be Irish, that’s nobody’s business), he can feel his hangover begin to lift. Whether it was the ibuprofen, the shower, the coffee, or the whiskey, he honestly had no idea but he is damn grateful for it, especially when Junior knocks at the door right as he’s finishing his drink.

“Door’s unlocked!” He calls, grabbing his cane and carefully making for the door. Junior gingerly pushes open the door with his right hand, two cups of coffee stacked in his left. “You’re just askin’ for trouble now, are ya?” Danny ribs the SEAL, shutting down the surge of memories a joke like that conjures.

“What can I say, I love a good challenge,” he grins at the blonde, offering the stack to Danny to take one. Danny indulges in an eye roll, muttering - _yeah, yeah_ \- as he swipes the cup off the top and walks to the passenger side of his car.

The ride is quiet, with Junior providing a few updates on their recent cases and a few loose ends from old ones that have been tightened. Danny listens quietly, mind half in it, but starting to fade more into worry about his evaluation. He knows he is ready for desk duty. He is. Well. He’s at least ready to not be at home alone in Steve’s house anymore so, yeah, he’s ready for desk duty. Sure, he has some shit to work out. He knows drinking a handle every three nights wasn’t exactly healthy, especially when on painkillers, but damn if he wasn’t sleeping easier these nights than when he first got out of the hospital. But yeah, definitely not good for the liver he’s got left. But to sit around an office and categorize some evidence and sign some papers? No problem. He’s ready. The eval to get back into the field would be another question, but now he just needed to show that his head was clear and his body was well enough to sit around and walk to and from the parking lot. Easy-peasy.

When they arrive at the Palace and he steps out of the car, Danny feels his lungs expand and he breathes in deeper than he has in weeks. The ride up the elevator catapults him through endless memories of taking the same route. The warmth in his stomach from the whiskey and the coffee expands, encapsulating him. Making him feel safe. The HPD psychologist meets him by his office and he shakes her hand, a friendly smile spreading across his face. He has no doubt he’s going to pass this eval and then he’ll be back in this office. 5-0’s office. Right now, it’s probably the only place he truly feels safe in on the island right now. It used to be Steve’s place first, but now there are too many phantoms there. There are still echoes of his partner here, obviously, but also of all his other teammates and of work. It wasn’t where they passed lazy Sunday mornings getting up past noon (well, Danny slept in, not Steve) and taking turns cooking each other breakfast. It wasn’t where they commiserated over a painful case, sharing drinks and stories until some ungodly time of night when they both could barely keep their eyes open. It wasn’t where Steve left him.

And the evaluation goes as smoothly as expected. She goes through some basic physical batteries, which he passes, even if he’s still sub-healthy on all scores. Then, she moves on to the mental batteries and things get a little messier. It’s just a desk duty clearance so they aren’t super extensive, but when she gets to questions of sleep he hesitates. He decides not to lie, and tells her his sleep has gotten better. She doesn’t need to know why. When she moves on to his medications he feels his confidence falter, but he stays calm. Is he taking any medications? Yes. Are they prescribed to him? Yes. Is he taking his medications as prescribed? Yes. Does he have a follow-up with his physician to determine when he will transition off the medications? Yes.

And then that’s it. He belatedly realizes as she’s organizing her stuff to leave, that technically drinking while taking his medications is violating the guidelines of his prescription, but in his defense he didn’t realize it when he answered. And the past decade has taught him that guidelines are sometimes meant to be broken, so.

He shakes her hand again and watches as she leaves his office and then the building. He was cleared. He can come back to work. He sinks into his chair, relief flooding over him and his hands starting to shake. In a burst of enthusiasm he looks out to the team workspace to see who was around to celebrate with him, but he finds the office empty. And from the looks of it no one was around their individual offices either. His excitement falters. Alone again. But he pushes the thought away, instead pulling open his bottom drawer and finding the unopened bottle of Scotch he keeps in there. He doesn’t think about how it was a gift from Steve to help him “live on the edge a little.” He doesn’t.

No, Danny just pours himself a couple fingers into his glass, props his feet up onto his desk and lets his mind wander. He wasn’t going to go complete maniac, but maybe the whole living on the edge thing wasn’t so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys liked it! as always, would love feedback on anything and everything, and if there's something that you'd like to see or want to suggest feel free! i have a vague outline for where i'm going, but things always turn out different in the writing process so everything is malleable. 
> 
> anyway, hope you are all staying safe and healthy <3


	3. i hear my heart breaking tonight, do you hear it too?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now sitting here, hundreds of miles and many hours away from him, Steve realizes he and Danny haven’t spoken in over a week. He can’t remember any other time in their relationship in which that was true. Steve frowns, pulling out his phone and calling Danny’s cell. It’s only a bit past 8 in Hawaii, so Danny should be awake and should not be busy. The phone rings several times and Steve’s about to hang up when the call connects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the love from last chapter, friends <3
> 
> i'm on a chapter a day streak right now which is pretty unusual for me to be so consistent, so hopefully i'll be able to keep it up! hopefully without staying up until 3am for the second night in a row to do it though lol
> 
> enjoy!

It’s quiet. There’s nobody outside as far as he can see and outside of the gentle crashing of the water there is no sound.

Steve looks up at the sky, relishing in the tranquil beauty of this moment. Back when he was training at the Naval Academy and then whenever he has visited Annapolis, he has never really came out here past midnight, never had reason to. But damn was it nice. The Chesapeake Bay pushes its brackish currents against the large rocks lining the border between the bay and the academy. Steve breathes in the salty air, lingering for a moment on the scent of nostalgia before exhaling with a deep sigh. He pulls out his phone, glancing at the clock which informs him it is already past 2. He probably shouldn’t stay on base so late, given the plebes will probably up and running in just a few hours. He considers leaving but can’t get himself to go yet. Something is missing.

The water here has a chill to it, and the breeze carries it onto the land: a far cry from the warmth of Hawaii's waves. That’s the Atlantic Ocean for you—

And there it is. He knew what he felt was missing right now. Or, more precisely, who.

His jaw tightens as his mind goes to his partner. They haven’t talked in… Has it been over a week already? Danny had been reaching out a lot the first few days, but with all the traveling Steve was doing - not to mention suddenly having Catherine back - he had barely been able to keep up. He and Catherine had first flown to L.A., where they stayed with Steve’s sister for a few days, and there was so much catching up to do for everyone, _from_ everyone. His phone became reprioritized in favor of the live people in front of him. So his replies grew thinner, the time between responses longer. Unsurprisingly, Catherine informed him after only a few nights in L.A. that she was needed in D.C. by the end of the week. He knew her company was never going to be long-term, but the sting of being told she was leaving him yet again still hurt. Their possibility of a relationship had died long ago, but sometime he even questioned their friendship. He wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but there was just too much secrecy in how she handled things and that is the last thing Steve needs right now.

And so they booked a flight to D.C., parting ways at the airport as she headed off to another assignment, and Steve? Steve had his first moment of truly being alone, away from all his family and friends for at least a significant distance. In a somewhat impulsive somewhat nostalgic move, Steve had decided to head for Annapolis, his old stomping grounds around here. The years of trauma usually lurking in his mind seemed to quiet as years of challenges, ambition, and passion came flooding back. They weren’t easy times by any means, but they were simpler. He left the Academy with a clear direction, and now he was left literally with no direction, a wide open map. Well, Hawaii would always be his destination. Being without direction did not mean he was without destination. As much as he had felt that he needed to journey, to find peace, to walk the earth or whatever, he always knew that he would be returning to Hawaii. That’s where his _ohana_ is. That’s where Danny is.

And now sitting here, hundreds of miles and many hours away from him, Steve realizes he and Danny haven’t spoken in over a week. He can’t remember any other time in their relationship in which that was true. Steve frowns, pulling out his phone and calling Danny’s cell. It’s only a bit past 8 in Hawaii, so Danny should be awake and should not be busy. The phone rings several times and Steve’s about to hang up when the call connects.

“Hey, Danno,” just saying his name brings an affectionate smile to his face. “How are you doing, buddy?” A beat. Steve pulls the phone away from his ear to check that the call is still connected, frowning when he sees it is.

Finally, “Me? Are you asking how I am? I’m-I’m dandy. Just, you know, fantastic. Couldn’t be— Couldn’t be better.” Something definitely sounded off. Danny sounds weird, but it isn’t entirely unfamiliar. Is Danny - _drunk_? Steve isn’t certain but he knows well enough to trust his instincts when it comes to his partner.

“Couldn’t be better, huh? You don’t sound so good, babe, have you, uh, have you been drinking?” _It’s only eight_. He bites back the pointed comment, knowing it would only inflame the blonde. He hates that he already feels uncomfortable talking to Danny, already isn’t quite sure where the other man’s heads at to gauge what will or won’t set him off. There’s another silence, a little too long to feel natural. This time it’s broken with a laugh. Not Danny’s normal laugh, though, but an almost chilling, sardonic version of it. It instinctually puts Steve on alert.

“Have I been—? That’s-that’s rich coming from you, Steven. You’re just going to-going to what? Not reach out for who even knows how long and then what? Get in _my_ business. Nuh-uh, that’s not how this is going to work. How this is going to work is I’m going to press the end call button and this conversation is going to be over. M’kay? ‘Kay.” The end call tone beeps mockingly in his ear. Steve’s stomach drops, his mind already racing with analyses.

Clearly, Danny is angry. When Danny Williams is upset, there is never a question of if Danny Williams is upset. The man would call out the Queen of England if she did something to set him off, he is the last person to put tact above what he sees as right. But that isn’t what happened here. Here, Danny just turned down the opportunity to talk, either to yell at Steve about why he’s angry or to let Steve try to explain himself only to cut him off and tell him why he was an inconsiderate jerk for doing what he did. And he had been audibly drunk at only eight in the evening, hardly late at all for the night owl. It _is_ a Friday night, though, and so maybe Steve _is_ just reading into this and maybe he _is_ being judgmental. He hates that he doesn’t know what’s going on in Danny’s life right now. Is he out at a bar? Home with Lou? Home alone? Now that he’s thinking about it though, the detective shouldn’t be drinking so soon after his release from the hospital, wouldn’t he still be on something for his pain?

WIth far too many questions and no answers, Steve decides to call it a night. As he walks to his rental car, he promises to himself that he will call Lou tomorrow to see what insight he can offer. He doesn’t want to bring Junior or Tani in if he’s just being paranoid, but, as he reminded himself earlier, he knows enough to trust his instincts when it comes to his partner.

* * *

Danny throws his phone across the room, careful even in his state of anger and drunkenness to throw it into the couch instead of against the wall. He’s not some _neanderthal animal_ he wouldn’t just break things for no reason or, you know, up and _leave his ohana_ for no good _—_

Danny shakes his head. No, no, no - nope. Steve is not going to monopolize his thoughts tonight. Danny is going to sit here, watch some shitty B movie, drink his whiskey, and then go to sleep. He was supposed to have a calm evening to celebrate his return to desk duty. Why did Steve have to go and ruin that, huh? And to call him up sounding as casual as he has a million times before, like he didn’t just up and abandon Danny a month ago. And then to try to have a normal “conversation” like two people do who _aren’t_ currently fighting. And then! To have the absolute fucking _nerve_ to question Danny’s choices like he had any idea what was going on with him right now or like he had any _goddamn right to know_ anything that was going on with him. That’s just real fucking typical huh, real _fucking_ typical.

Shit. Didn’t he just say that Steve wasn’t going to monopolize his thoughts tonight?

His text tone shakes him from his spiraling and he looks over to where his phone lays on the couch. He stands and his head takes a second to catch up with the rest of his body, and he stumbles a bit with the dizziness. He steps back to catch himself, but his leg knocks into his cane - _shit I forgot that was there -_ and then he’s laying face down on the ground. A dull pain from the impact rises after a brief lag, and a few isolated, sharper pains alert him to the broken glass he’s laying in. He must have fallen on his tumbler. He groans as he brings himself back up to a seated position, leaning back against the wall. There are no large pieces in him, but a few decently sized pieces have found a home in his right hand and the pain on his forehead tells him there’s likely one there too. Danny sits for a moment. He smells like alcohol now. He shudders at the thought. He isn’t the type of person who would smell like a liquor bottle. Or is he now? No, no he’s just having trouble sleeping and sometimes being in this house, it’s like an anti-anxiety thing. Not a problematic thing. He can’t afford to have any problematic thing, because he has two beautiful children to love and care for and—

Oh yeah, his phone. Struggling to a stand, Danny uses the wall for support before coming to full height and being able to use his cane again. Though honestly, he isn’t in too much pain right now. Which is actually pretty fantastic. He barely relies on the aid as he crosses to the couch, picking up his phone and squinting at the notification. It’s his “goodnight text” from Charlie. He opens his messages to reply, but the keyboard is too blurry. He squints harder, bringing it closer to his face, but his eyes refuse to focus. Danny curses. This night just couldn’t get better, huh? He could really use another drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve has made his first appearance, yay! also fun fact i grew up in Annapolis and have spent a good amount of time on the USNA base, so that area where the campus meets the Bay separated by these huge rocks is a real place my family went to often. My father also used it as a slightly daredevil-esque running route when he was there, which is perfect for our favorite SEAL :)
> 
> feedback and suggestions always appreciated <3
> 
> stay safe and healthy, my friends


	4. with an open heart, open container

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh my gosh, are you okay?” She tries to sound casual but still concerned, crossing to edge of his desk for a better view. “That doesn’t look super hot.” And on his dominant hand to. Her eyes flicker to the stack of paperwork in front of him.
> 
> “Yeah, no, yeah, this is nothing just a little hazard of the whole—,” he gestures to his cane, “—business.” He might have been convincing if he didn’t studiously avoid looking at her when he said it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay! I really jinxed myself there haha. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

For some reason it was a little harder to get out of bed than normal this Monday morning, and so Tani will admit, she is dragging her feet a little as she approaches the Palace entrance. By the time the elevator arrives at 5-0’s floor, she’s already halfway done the coffee she brought with her and planning when she is going to take a little field trip to get her second. She’s crossing to the main workspace when she notices Danny sitting in his office. A bit of the negativity she is carrying lifts at the sight of her teammate. She hasn’t seen much of Danny since the incident that put him out of commission, since Lou had taken over coordinating his PT, Adam had taken groceries, and then Junior had even asked to be put on call if anything else were to come up. Which left her as moral support? Tani had seen him the day that Steve had left, but she hesitated to really count that since they had all been teary and after Steve walked out they really had not stayed much longer. She had hoped to see him on Friday when he came in for his evaluation, but she missed him coming in and then they had gotten called out into the field for the whole rest of the day. Junes had filled her in a bit about how he seemed, and they both admitted they were a bit worried. Sure, she hadn’t been there, but a quiet Danny Williams? Definitely not a good thing. 

She jumps on the opportunity to be with him one-on-one, wanting to even just vaguely show that she is worried and she cares. She pushes open the door and a two seconds later his head pops up -  reaction time is still slow . Danny blinks at her for a second, looking surprised to see her, which is kind of odd, but then he catches himself and grins at her. The smile seems natural, but she can’t help but notice it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“Hey, stranger, how’ve you been?” He sounds tired. 

“I should be asking you that. It’s good to see you, Danny. I, um, I haven’t wanted to crowd you and I knew you had everyone else bugging you all the time, but, um, I guess I’m just saying it’s good to have you back. Oh, and congrats on passing the eval!” Definitely more awkward than she would have liked, but when his smile just softens in response, she feels some of her muscles release unconscious tension. 

“Good to see you, too. I appreciate that, Tani, I do. And yeah, I’m glad to be back! Riding a desk here is better than—“ He cuts himself off, but Tani hears the words in his silence.She’s about to offer up something to divert the conversation when she notices his right hand is bandaged. She had noticed the small bandage on his forehead, but assumed it was left over from the incident, but she would have remembered if he had torn up his hand during everything. 

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” She tries to sound casual but still concerned, crossing to edge of his desk for a better view. “That doesn’t look super hot.”And on his dominant hand to. Her eyes flicker to the stack of paperwork in front of him. 

“Yeah, no, yeah, this is nothing just a little hazard of the whole—,” he gestures to his cane, “—business.” He might have been convincing if he didn’t studiously avoid looking at her when he said it. 

“Did you wrap that yourself?” She opts, not feeling comfortable pushing him on his explanation. 

“Yeah, it wasn’t too hard, it’s not bad or anything.” The lightness sounding as false as it is. 

“Would you be up to having Junes redo that for you? No offense, but it doesn’t look super neat and, well, he’s better at that kinda thing than I am.” Danny nods, uncharacteristically compliant to her suggestion. 

Junes was right, and now they have another reason to worry. Her body must have sensed this morning that today was going to be a complicated one. Damn Mondays. 

* * *

Lou strides into the Palace Monday morning on a mission. Friday had been a chaotic day to say the least. They had gotten a robbery case that morning and had spent the entire rest of the day chasing the perps -  kids , really - around practically the whole damn island. And so by the time they got back to the office, Danny had already left. Their conversation delayed, Lou had instead gotten to spend his whole weekend periodically remembering and then worrying for his friend. If he hadn’t had plans with his family in place, he would have gone to see Danny sooner, but naturally it wasn’t in the cards.

So when he walks into the office he’s already thinking of some ways he could broach his concerns to the fiery blonde, ideally without eliciting a tirade and dismissal. When he looks over to Danny’s office, he’s surprised to see it’s owner already there, looking steeped in concentration on some paperwork. He’s in early. 

Deciding to put his stuff down in his own office first, Lou’s halfway to his destination when Tani intercepts his path. 

“You got a sec?” Her tone alerts him that this isn’t a casual conversation. 

They step into his office and he turns to her, expectantly.

“I’m worried about Danny,” She begins. “I know I haven’t seen him much recently so maybe you’ll know better than I do, but... well, he’s hurt today. Looks like it was recent. He claimed it was a cane-related accident but he wasn’t exactly convincing.” She crosses her arms, expression looking equal parts determined and guilty. Perhaps she sees this as a betrayal of her friend, not looking out for him, which it is. 

Lou sighs. This is what he was afraid of. If Danny is getting himself into trouble, it’s Lou’s fault for not looking after him well enough. Steve had asked him to look after Danny, and although Lou knew it wasn’t his fault if Danny hid things from him, he still felt like he let Steve down, and more importantly here, let Danny down.

“Thanks for the heads up. I was gonna have a chat with him today, and it looks like I was right to.” He moves past Tani and out of his office, crossing to Danny’s and knocking on the glass. Danny’s head shoots up and half a second later he nods at Lou, who walks in as soon as he is cued. This needs to be as non-confrontational as possible. His eyes immediately cue to the cut on Danny’s forehead and the bandage wrapped around his hand. Lou stops himself from opening with an inquisition. Non-confrontational.

“So welcome back, man, good to have you back. Must have got here early if you’re already knee-deep in that beast,” He nods to the impressive stack of paperwork in front of the other man. 

“Well, I know you guys have missed my inspiring words and calming presence, so I didn’t want to deprive you all of that more than was necessary,” Sarcasm coats his words in self-deprecation. Lou suppresses his gut reaction. 

“Glad you didn’t,” He chooses instead, hoping to challenge the negativity. “You doing okay, though? Heard you had a fight with your third leg and I’m assuming some other blunt object,” he indicates the bandages on the blonde. Clearly, the topic is a fuse just like Lou was worried it would be, and he watches as Danny visibly cycles through several emotions before being able to form a response. 

“Yeah, yeah, a fight. Is that what you and Tani were just having your super-secret-totally-not-obvious conference about? Some sort of meeting to figure out how to handle me? I’m fine. Like I told her, this damn thing,” he kicks lightly at his cane leaning against the desk, “can be a bitch to deal with, especially when it’s late and you’re exhausted.” 

“What did you land on?” Maybe he shouldn’t press here, maybe he should have let the excuse lie. But he couldn’t. Not when in addition to the bandages there were clear dark circles lining his - red - eyes. Not when he can now smell the distinct scent of alcohol coming from the man. It’s just a simple question. But to avoid it was a confirmation.

Danny blinked at him once, twice. The gears in his head churning audibly even from across the desk. The moment drags on just long enough that the silence is damning.

Finally, “My ego apparently.” Danny practically mumbles, the forfeit shocking coming from the stubborn man. “Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to my paperwork, these dotted lines don’t sign themselves. And don’t you have like a case or something?” 

Lou wants so badly to dig in and fight harder, push his friend until he admits that something is wrong so they can fix it together - all of them, as a team. But he also knows the man across the desk and can see the darkness clouding him. Lou knows he isn’t the right person to handle this.

Instead of going back to his office, Lou makes a detour to the interrogation hall. Pulling out his phone, he dials a familiar number. 

“Hey, Lou, it’s been a while, brother. How are ya?”

“Steve, it’s about Danny. There’s something you should know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we goooo! Moving along haha. 
> 
> Feedback and suggestions are always appreciated. <3
> 
> Hope you are all staying safe and healthy!


	5. I hate you for what you did, and miss you like a kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Danno. I miss you, babe. I haven’t been the best at communication lately —or, I guess, ever, if you’re judging, which you usually are— but I’m, well... I’m coming home. I’m coming home, Danny. Look, I’ll see you soon, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the delay! it's been a wild week. i moved back into my apartment at school and so that took a lot of time and now i've been having a lot of mental health ~fun times~ so i haven't had a ton of energy to devote to this. but here we are! i've been rewatching some good Danny episodes of 5-0, so will be trying to add in some tidbits from old eps as we move forward :) 
> 
> anyway, enjoy!

_He doesn’t look good. He’s taken a fall, which he is clearly lying about, not to mention his eyes are damn near ready to board a plane with all those bags. And Steve...I think he might be drinking. Like “washing down one drink with another drink” kind of drinking. You should talk to him._

Steve’s eyes drift along the buildings and streets as the Uber coasts down the highway. Being a passenger in the back of a car is a foreign feeling these days, and he almost smiles despite himself at the thought. Almost. He can’t get Lou’s words out of his head. His stomach has been tight since the call, already a few hours ago now. He should call Danny. He should call him and hear his voice and maybe video call so he could see his face ( _the evidence_ ) and just see- just see and hear for himself that Lou is overreacting and that Danny is fine. Danny is fine.

But Danny is not fine.

Steve knows this. He heard it himself when they last talked, he just didn’t follow through. He should have followed his instincts. But he forgot, in all honesty. Meeting up with old friends and visiting his old stomping grounds took up so much of his mental and emotional bandwidth that it slipped his mind. When Sunday evening came around, he suddenly remembered but felt it was too late to call Lou at that hour, and so he put it off again.

And now he gets this damn call. This call that tells Steve that he fucked up. He let his friend down. Again. Steve looks at his phone in his hand, Danny’s profile called up on the screen. One more deep breath. Steve readies himself and hits the call button.

The phone rings.

And rings.

And—

“ _Hey, you’ve reached the voicemail of Detective Danny Willia—_ “

Steve brings the phone down to end the call before thinking better of it. He is going to call again later, but if Danny is avoiding his calls then that won’t do any good. He brings the phone back up: voicemail it is. The tone sounds.

“Hey, Danno. I miss you, babe. I haven’t been the best at communication lately —or, I guess, ever, if you’re judging, which you usually are— but I’m, well... I’m coming home. I’m coming home, Danny. Look, I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Steve ends the message. It wasn’t his smoothest moment, but it feels like a good start. Danny will know he’s on his way, and maybe that will help some. Steve he knows his leaving definitely didn’t help Danny’s already rough situation. He hopes it hasn’t been a huge factor, though, especially if things are as bad as Lou alluded. Of course, if his leaving _was_ a big part of the problem, then his coming back would fix things, right? So maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing.

The Uber rolls to a stop and Steve looks back out the window to see the departure terminals of Baltimore/Washington International Airport. He had booked the earliest flight out to Hawaii once he got off the phone with Lou, packed his barely unpacked bag, and hopped into an Uber straight here. He has a few hours until boarding, a perfect amount of time to go through security and then have time to plan some of what is coming next. He knew he had to get home to Danny as soon as his call with Lou ended, but does that mean Steve’s own journey is over for now? Is this a pit stop or a return? What exactly has he been looking for? Why does he feel more alive and exciting heading home - _to Danny_ \- than he has during any of the last month?

Okay, maybe he is going to need more than just a few hours to sort through all of this.

* * *

When his phone starts to ring, Danny’s first instinct is to reject the call immediately, no matter who’s on the other line. He is not feeling particularly social right now. He picks up the nuisance and a brief burst of anxiety surges through him. The phone displays _Steve_ broadly across the screen, like it doesn’t know how conflicting it is for Danny to see that.

He watches as the phone rings, rings, rings, his resolve starting to crumble. There’s part of him that wants nothing more than to answer the call and pour out his heart to his partner, to shout at him until he runs out of oxygen on the island. To ask him why he left. The ringing stops and Danny’s lungs expel the breath he had been clutching inside. It is better he doesn’t engage. Making small talk with Steve would be excruciating and getting into another argument just infuriating. No, this is definitely for the best. Danny reaches for his coffee, taking another large sip, savoring the feeling of the whiskey and coffee warming his body and mind. His phone chimes, alerting him to a voicemail. Danny ignores it, flipping the phone face down and turning back to his work. His totally essential, life-saving, heart-pounding…paperwork. God, he is going to need a lot more coffee and extra help to get through these next few weeks riding a desk alone with his thoughts.

Luckily, the distraction of the call keeps his mind mildly occupied for the rest of the day. He thinks of different iterations of what the voicemail could be, what he hoped it would be, what he knew it wouldn’t be. When he gets back to Steve’s house at the end of the day, he finds he’s exhausted. He calls in an order to Steve’s favorite pizza place, feeling wonderfully masochistic thank you very much, and lands himself on the couch, ever-present whiskey tumbler in hand. Within minutes, Danny can’t take not knowing anymore and, feeling emboldened by the safety of his environment and his liquid courage, he pulls up the voicemail, ready to see what the SEAL decided he needed to tell him.

_“Hey, Danno. I miss you, babe. I haven’t been the best at communication lately,”_ There is a knock at the door, which is odd since Danny could swear he just sent the order minutes ago, but he gets up nonetheless, leaning heavily on his cane to stop his spinning head. “ _—or, I guess, ever, if you’re judging, which you usually are— but I’m, well…”_ Danny swings the door open, phone still up to his ear. And he’s got to be hallucinating. _“I’m coming home. I’m coming home, Danny. Look, I’ll see you soon, okay?”_ The phone slides out of his grip and, in a flash that only insane super soldier reflexes can accomplish, it’s saved by an unfortunate hardwood floor-related fate by the hand of none other than the man speaking on the very phone.

“Woah! Gotta be more careful than that, Danno,” Steve is looking him square in the face, that stupid, dopey smile on his face and Danny…well.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys liked it!! not super action-heavy but here we are about to get into some spicy ~confrontation~ next
> 
> buckle in!
> 
> feedback and suggestions always more than welcome and appreciated <3
> 
> stay safe and healthy, loves!


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